Fostering Hope.

the state of affairs

2011-07-15T12:18:00.000-07:00

he has been doing this for over 2 years. It makes me want to literally vomit to think about it. i have changed my focus from trying to repair our damaged marriage to making me a better person mentally and physically. I joined a gym with child care and go 90 minutes everyday. FOR ME. I make meals i want to eat, I go places i want to go, and i spend money on things i want to buy. Maybe one day ill forgive him but it will not be today. We are in the same house at the moment. We are trying to figure this out. Hopefully things he will change for the better. But thats fine it not..

hardest post ive even written

2011-07-07T12:30:00.000-07:00

he cheated on me. all this tension and arguing and me feeling like i was going crazy was because he was hiding this from me. it hurts so bad. i am not sure the reasons and we are setting up marriage counseling now but it is most likely too late. i wanna scream, i want to kill him, i want to cut his face, i want to do everything mean that i can. But that wont change it. he says its over and it'll never happen again and he is sorry. But i don't know if hes sorry or not. Maybe he is just sorry he got caught. I am sure i wasnt giving him to love and support he needed but that gives him no right to go outside the marriage you know? I cannot fucking stand that he makes me question myself because of his shortfalls. I am a beautiful, smart, giving, caring woman and i need someone who can keep his dick where it belongs.
Anyways i am here in our home and just thinking of how stupid he is. and questioning everything. This cannot be healing for me.

ppd

2011-06-23T06:56:00.000-07:00

my PPD has taken hold and life sucks right now.. its a fight to get out of bed. then its a fight to get off the couch and its a fight to make dinner and play with the twins or go outside. this is TERRIBLE. i am on anti depressants but hell this sucks.. i have a short fuse now... everything is so messed up... ugh.

so funny.

2011-06-15T06:33:00.000-07:00

William Cash is so funny. He's always saying something off the wall.... yesterday my cousins farted in the car and he says "Man now this car has alot of GAS!" he is telling jokes now and they can be very funny. I just love this little boy so much... He is a handful.. he had PDD NOS and ODD and ADHD.. but he is improving daily.. so life is rocking around here..

they are 1!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2011-06-14T17:25:00.000-07:00

The twins turned 1 on June 3rd.. where did the year go. Max is walking and talking . he loves to be the life of the party and he is so funny, a daredevil, and 1 tough cookie. Rex is loving and sweet and LAZY, refuses to try to walk. rolls instead of crawling when he wants to be held. Oh my kiddos... lol.. i am so blessed..

This is what forever looks like...

2011-06-14T17:20:00.000-07:00

Yep.. They are MINE FOREVER EVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Welcome My children... Liliana Grace and William Cash!

June 14th

2011-05-12T11:58:00.000-07:00

Thats my finalizaton date. Over 2 years after my met my kids i finally will be adopting them. Ive had people say be sure this is what you want or wow your son is difficult are you sure you want him forever. Seriously , i couldnt imagine my life with them. I love them and they bring me joy. They have a since of belonging here, something they ahve never known. For the first time in my sons life he is understood and treated like a memeber of a family and not just a hard kid. Whatever life throws at us we are ready.
That being said, We are closing our foster care license. It is taxing to be a foster parent and while i still have a room in my house for another child i cannot deal with the system anymore. Maybe in the future we will change our mind but we have a full plate at this time.
Our children where deemed children in need of care in March of 2006. My son was 18 months and my daughter was 3.
This is a pretty open and shut case with 1 parent in prison and the other never following her case plan.
My children are almost 7 and almost 9 now.
6 years to find a family.
SIX YEARS. and they have been with us for 2... and the paperwork took all that time to finish.
ugh

mothers day

2011-05-08T16:24:00.001-07:00

the day was good. breakfast in bed. the zoo with every trashy person most without shoes or shirts on. a picnic lunch. kiddos feeling and acting ok..besides being called a stupid mama by my son everything was good. i cannot complain. so i wont.

Standing

2011-05-05T15:46:00.000-07:00

Rex is standing. I guess I always thought Max would walk first but I might be wrong. Time will tell. Hubs leaves in 9 days.. I'm a little overwhelmed. But I'll be fine.

We picked new names for our kiddos and our adoption paperwork is filed!

i love the army.

2011-05-04T11:57:00.000-07:00

Hubs is changing jobs in the army and needs a special school to that. We was approved by his boss to go to this school way back in September. The next people on the paperwork latter let the request for school sit, amd sit and sit... until last week.
So on a side note. We have a HUGE birthday party planned for the twins in Texas. somewhere like 75 guests, a petting zoo, a fancy cake, months and months of planning for this party for June 4th.
Yesterday Hubs gets his school date. May15-June10th.
He will miss the party.
Just another reason i love the Army.

life here

2011-05-01T16:13:00.000-07:00

I pretty much love the city will live in but havent made many friends. or any. i was doing a fitness bootcamp i loved but quit because 445 is early to get up. trying to find something else that will fit into my schedule better.
Like i said in my update i had a horrible case of PPD. i didnt leave the house for months and didnt find joy in much. Some people tryed to say diet and exercise and i'd snap out of it, but i didnt. Finally i got some anti depressants and i am feeling better.
The boys will be 11 months old Tuesday. I have no idea where the time went. The do it all, crawl, stand up, they have teeth, Rex will not sleep though the night, but other than that life is good with them. They are very happy babies. However they are clingy to mom so i am starting to look into a PDO program for them.
DJ has been diagnosed with PDD-NOS. We are receiving tons of support now THANKFULLY but he is still difficult. Thankfully we have plans in place that work.
Lulu is still her normal self. TALKS all the time and about nothing at all. I once didnt say anything back to her and she talked for an hour and half straight.
Hubs is waiting for orders to move. They were suppose to come 8 months ago, the waiting is stressing me out.
SIL is preggo again. I am happy for them. Yep i said it, not sad, not upset, Happy lol.
I dont know if we are done trying to have a baby but we arent trying right now.
I've missed blogging, how sad is that.

photo update.

2011-05-01T16:04:00.000-07:00

So sorry!

2011-04-30T16:39:00.000-07:00

My computer crashed. And well I haven't felt the need to get a new one.
Updates. Adoption STILL not final. But we signed apa but the state is still waiting to approve us. This school year has been good for my son. The school is really working with him.
Most days are difficult but we are making it.
I had a pretty serve case of PPD but that's under control now!
So I'm back!
I'll post pictures soon

my men!

2010-08-26T18:56:00.000-07:00

the little boogers are 12 weeks and boy am i in love!!! i dont sleep much or shower daily anymore but its totally worth it.. they rock!!!

A ton of bricks

2010-08-05T17:31:00.000-07:00

I have been ignoring the fact that my brother is dead. I kind of treat it like he never was here. I barely talk about him anymore. There is just a void where he use to be and i was trying to erase him because it hurt to much to remember him and miss him...I refused to name my boys after him..i refused to talk to my older kids about him...Somedays my mom tells them about him and they say Uncle Kyle in heaven..I think the thought of heaven should bring me peace but it doesnt. So i try not to ever think about him. My brother and I love music... LOVED some songs more than others...and everytime the song God Bless the USA would come on my brother would turn up the radio as loud as possable and belt out the lyrics...last week i turned on my car 4 different times and it was on...a week before my brother died we where listening to knocking on heavens door by guns and roses and i told him i liked the original better and he told me that was the original and we kind of had a little arguement about who was right.. This morning i was packing up my babies stuff to go on a trip..and they song by guns and roses came on...my flesh filled with goosebumps and tears rolled down my face...i have tryed to be strong..i have tryed to forget..i have tryed not to break down because i feel like i should have moved on by now...But maybe i am not as strong as i seem.

losing the baby weight

2010-08-02T13:46:00.001-07:00

so since the wonder twins came home from the hospital i have lost...drum roll please.....59 POUNDS!!!! OK OK OK...well 47 of that came off in the 4 weeks after the boys where born and i have lost 11 in the past 4 weeks doing weight watchers and the past 2 weeks i have be able to exercise...its kind of nice to workout everyday..i do ALOT for the house, kids, hubs, mom,..i like that i get to take 30 minutes for me...i plan to be 170 by my birthday..which is in the first of december.. when i get to my goal of 140 my hubs says he is gonna buy me a coach bag that i want!!! WOOHOO...yesterday the hubs bought me an exercise bike and it kicks my ass!!! I feel better since i started working out. I love losing the weight..i love that the pants i bought after my twins where born feel off today...i am still heavier than when i got pregnant but i am trying.

Every year

2010-07-13T17:34:00.000-07:00

mom and rex

mom and max

Every year July 13 comes...and for the past 4 years it has been a no good rotten day. 4 years ago today my brother died. My mom is still a basket case on a good day.. Life hasnt been the same of course.

The boys are growing like weeds they are both pushing 8 pounds...i think they are growing up WAY to fast..

I havent been living life since we moved. I havent made an effort to make friends or do things BUT that is ending. I went out for ice cream with some ladies and had a great time and i went out to a moms group this morning!!!

Hubs is changing jobs.

Hopefully we can stay here so making friends isnt a bust..

days run together.

2010-07-06T07:58:00.000-07:00

Days run together..Babies..feeding...kids getting in trouble for hitting...making dinner...did i get a shower??? have i brushed my teeth ??..we have had visitors and the boys are now spoiled and scream when they arent being held..Feeding is going better than i thought it ever would...i never believed i could breastfeed 2 babies at once.. they are growing.. they look bigger..thier newborn pjs dont fit anymore they are way to short..both boys seem tall. They are happy and Max is the most alert baby i have ever seen. Rex is my snuggle bug he loves to cuddle with me... Lulu is having a hard time because she wants to mother the babies more than i would like. She has told people she takes care of Max because i cant. She is mad she cant feed them or change them or pick them up by herself.. She tells me she knows how and we did go to a sib class but i just am not going to let her pick up the babies. The other day she tired to carry Rexs carseat with him in it.. I cannot turn my back for one minute. Dj is adjusting good to the babies. Maybe thats because he goes to Dayschool. Maybe thats because he is a boy and doesnt care much about babies. We havent been swimming this summer. We have had lots of guest and i finally starting to get tired.. We are doing our homestudy now..Our adoption should be final in 4 months or less.

twins

2010-06-19T16:44:00.000-07:00

Lets see..my day is breastfeeding..changing..rocking...making breakfast..breastfeeding..changing..rocking loving..making lunch..NAP..changing diapers..and breastfeeding..making dinner...The boys sleep ok but last night they didnt and i was up from 1 am until well after 6...so i was a grumpy mama today...They are prefect and wonderful and i am so in love...The kids are getting adjusted to not having all my attention any more and think it is hard for them but they are doing well...

They are here!

2010-06-07T12:34:00.000-07:00

Max is on the left Rex on the right
Max Oliver and Rex Troubaduor where born Thursday at 950 and 952 am.. MAx wieghed 6lbs and 3 oz..and 18.5 inches Rex was 6lbs and 2 oz and 19 inches long..they are wonderful and we are home and i am recovering well...

Last appointment today

2010-05-26T05:28:00.001-07:00

Today is my last prenatal appointment..40 weeks ago i didnt think i would ever get pregnant..much less with twins...we tired for over 6 years to have these babies..and we love them with all our heart..in a week and a day this time i will be gettting ready for my csection.

My life has been so blessed this year.
I have 2 beautiful children that we are in the process of adopting...i have had a healthy and sucessful twin pregnancy..
My husband has been in the states all year without any field or training time!!!
Letter to my boys,
One day years ago i looked at daddy and said lets have a baby..and he said sure thing..
We tried and tried. And we thought we had sucess a few times but it turns out we didnt. We where heartbroken
We kept trying because we wanted you so badly. Mama had lots of medical stuff done to her..and finaly she found a wonderful doctor to help her.
Then one day the doctor was ready to move on and try something but mama said NO.
She said lets give this one more try..
Daddy and Mama didnt know if this would be the time it worked or not.
We waited and waited for what seemed like forever to find out. When testing day came Mama was so sure it would just be another failure. But she was wrong. 2 lines popped up right away.
I called Daddy and he said go get bloodwork and i did..and it turned out positive as well.
Daddy and Mama where so excited. We were gonna have a baby..we waited and waited and waited and finally had an appointment to see you...and SUPRISE...we had 2 babies..I cryed..daddy cryed..the doctor cryed...everyone was so happy.
I cannot wait to hold you and kiss you..
Love you.

you make me MAD

2010-05-24T16:29:00.000-07:00

this is a vent post...REALLY...i am married been married for many years..always played second to my husbands job..it always comes first...ALWAYS...last night i went to the hospital..i am swollen up like the stay puff marshmellow man from ghostbusters and my babies where not moving...i was afraid..it was midnight called the dr and she said come and we will check you out..so thats what we did...well the swelling was not a sign of pre eclampsia THANK GOODNESS and the babies where fine..but i am to take it easy and stay in bed and relax for a few days...well i asked hubs to pick the kids up from school which he couldnt do for no other reason than he didnt think i would need him too and then i asked him to bring us donner because i can barely walk and he ignored my text and phone calls...i am mad..i just want help..and for once i wanna be first.

Anxiety

2010-05-06T09:50:00.000-07:00

Lulu is afraid...she is afraid of everything...tornados..bugs..cars driving by..wind..rain..being alone..being around people..eating food she has never had..you name it she is afraid of it.

The past few days she is waking up in the middle on the night and coming into my room.

The first time she was afraid of the wind blowing...the second time she heard cars squeaking on the road..the next time is was because she heard strangers walking in the house...

This just started..i dont know what to do.. i dont know what the real problem is..maybe its the baby coming..maybe its the adoption...maybe its she is going to a new school next year..i just dont know..i do know she needs to stay in her own room at night so i havent given into her sleeping on the floor in our room...i just wish i knew what would help her.
Talked to her therapist and she told Lulu to make a plan on what to do if she got scared..
One was turn on the lamp in her room...
another was think about fun times she has had or plans on having in the future..
another was practice breathing
(there are more but these are ones for nightime)
SHe refuses to even try these..all she wants is to sleep in our room. But i am not starting that.

Happy for my kids..

2010-04-30T04:16:00.000-07:00

Yesterday was the final parental right severence hearing. The birth mother had signed over rights a few months ago so this hearing was just for the biological father. He did not show up to court (he had not shown up for any hearing so no big surprise. He had never completed any tasks to get the children back. He had never seem his son and last saw his daughter 6 years ago...Still i was afraid that he may be given more time get his children back.

The caseworker told the court yesterday that Dj and Lulu had been in the system for 49 months and 19 days.

All they want is a family. All they want are parents that love them. All they want is a home that doesnt change thier mind and send them away. They DESERVE that.

The judge agreed. The judge terminated the birth father rights. My eyes filled up with tears. 6 months until our adoption will be final!

I am sad my kids did not know the stabilty from the day they where born. I am sad for everything my children have seen and know. I am sad they birth parents couldnt pull it together to get them back. As happy as i am to have these children it hurts that thier life was put into so much termoil for so long.

38 days what what?

2010-04-25T16:18:00.000-07:00

Yep my c section is gonna be in 38 days...OMG i cant believe its coming so fast. I am so ready. I am misable cant move or breathe. But i am thankful for finally having my family. I cant wait to hold and see and smell my boys.

chubby cheeks

2010-04-21T15:22:00.000-07:00

Baby B has chubby cheeks...i did not see baby A's face sadly...but they are both right on track. Baby a weighs 3 lbs 14 oz and Baby b Weighs 3lb12oz..and they are both head down. WHICH SCARES ME TO DEATH...all along we have had one breech baby so i could say c section..without people questioning it too much...i really wanted to try natural birth but i am afraid as well. I know i will recover better and faster with a natural birth..we shall see what happens.

amazed

2010-04-20T17:17:00.000-07:00

He did well at school. He did ok after school. He got in major trouble for petting a lady... (he pets people like they are dogs)....we went to the farm and the kiddos had a blast, i enjoyed it alot but the walking was AWFUL. The pregnancy is kicking my butt. 5 or 6 weeks until my sweet little men are here. I go for an ultrasound tomorrow and i get to see them. Hopefully tomorrow i will get my c section date. These boys are coming if i am ready or not. But i think i might be ready. I cannot wait to meet my sons. We tried for so many years to conceive them. We prayed for them.. We suffered aweful terrible losses. We cryed. We loved. We made other plans. We fell in love with 2 children and began the process of adoption and them we where double blessed. We love all our children but cannot wait to meet little Max and Rex. We love them so much already. We sit in bed at night and watch them move..We give them music to listen too. We read them stories. We are so blessed. I give thanks everyday for the blessing i have. I love my husband and he respects me and loves me too. One day when i am sleep deprivated i will go back and read this post and rememeber writing it. I know caring for 4 children will be difficult. But I am ready for the challenge!

I hope things will get good again.

2010-04-20T09:40:00.001-07:00

Dj has regressed. We are back to the Dj from 5 months ago. I believe he must have forgotten what was acceptable here when he went to respite care for the weeekend, that was a little over a week ago. He whines for things and is misbehaving at school. I have gotten my mean mom hat back out. I have to remind him of the rules all the time.No yelling DJ, No running in the house DJ, No hitting your sister, Be quite and still in class DJ. I hope this is coming to an end. I am sure he will go back to the way he use to be but when is the question. We are going to a farm this afternoon and i hope the kids have a good time. I am hopeful he will be well behaved there. I thought maybe it was just me being pregnant and moody. However my husband and i where talking about it yesterday and he has noticed a HUGE change in DJ behavior. TOday will be better. TOday is going to be better! Today he is going to behave at school. A girl can hope.

Isolated

2010-04-19T15:49:00.001-07:00

I am isolated. I have very few friends here. I find it difficult to meet people. Mostly because i dont work outside the home. I havent made friends with my husbands co workers wives but that isnt habit for me anyways. I found it hard when we first got here we did foster care training and with in 3 months had a house full of children. I had no time to make friends then. When they where reintergrated, we where already matched with new children. Our son was at best difficult and i didnt feel like it was time to try to make new friends. He is much better now but still has issues playing with other children. As soon has his behavior was under control i found out i was pregnant with twins..and i was tired and couldnt do the PTA and volunteer things at school. I know that once the twins come i will not have time to make friends then . In 1.5 year we will be moving to a new duty station so i dont know that there is a point. I get excited to go to foster care training classes or support groups as i get to talk to other adults. I have some GREAT friends back home and at our last duty stations. I just dont have it in me to make new friends and leave again. We shall see. I just feel isolated.

its a balance for sure

2010-04-14T14:07:00.000-07:00

It seems like when things are good for DJ they are bad for Lele...Lele craves being heard all the time..she will talk for hours about nonesence and i m expected to have a response everytime...and i dont..She is a bully to DJ in the way tht she must tell him want he can do and what he does and doesnt like. He doesnt get his own choice.. This summer DJ is going to Ymca care...and Lele is not..i think being apart will do them good.Lele is going to camp one for foster kids and one for girlscouts..i hope they can learn to be indiviuals i guess... Dj has been doing well and hasnt had any tantrums in few months, he is learning how to be a memeber of this family. He is having a hard time being 5, he acts t the level of maybe a 3 year year old. But i am glad the tantrums are gone.

June 3rd.

2010-04-07T16:15:00.000-07:00

Thats when my c section will be!!!! 57 short days and my boys will be here!

things with us.

2010-04-06T19:51:00.000-07:00

Well i am right at 29 weeks along...seems like a few days ago i peed on the stick...not my boys are 2.5 lbs and 2.3 lbs(or as of 2 weeks ago they where)...
At the end of the month we are having the parental servence hearing and the kids case worker seems to think the father rights will be termanited...and then they will move forward with the adoption..i HOPE it will happen soon..my kiddos means so much to us and our family and i cant imagine being without them...they love us and they love our home and my daughter always says she wants to be in our family. The kids are ready for the babies. I am so excited to meet my little boys. I am so excited for summer..
Pregnancy with twins kind of sucks..i cant breathe or sleep or eat. I an anemenic...and am taking iron pills that make me ILL. I passed my 3 hours GD test so i dont have to worry about that...

Dh and i celebrate our 7 year anniversary Sunday. I cannot believe we are been married so long. He is the sweetest and most caring man i have even known. Our joke around the house is that i love him more cause i produced twin boys for him LOL. He watches stupid tv shows and plays dumb video games and tells lame jokes BUT i wouldnt trade him for anything...

Here is a picture of me PREGGO as heck

First day of spring.

2010-03-20T11:27:00.000-07:00

It snowed...5 inches...what the heck...the kids have been on spring break and Dj has been sick and it looks as if he may be starting to get better. His allegeries are kicking is little rear end.. We have made an interesting discovery around here...The children didnt know how to blow their nose and often would wipe their nose nuggets on the walls and mirrors and blankets in thier rooms...it was totally GROSS and totally unacceptable. I had them bring down thier bedding and put it in the washer..(they are still to small to do laundry per se...and then made them scrub down the walls and mirrors in thier rooms and the bathroom...this was 3 days ago..they havent had any more boog problems since then..they have figured what to do with boogs now.. The kids have had pretty good behavior during spring break which has been nice..
On the pregnancy front i am 26 weeks along and feel tired and huge...and i cant breathe or sleep..its difficult to walk up stairs or uphill..i find myself taking kids to places to go play like mcds playland or the bounce land here...or skating..i find myself resting more and more. I feel kind of like a bad mom because i know i am not as fun right now..we did take the kids to dinsey on ice and they LOVED it..My daughter asked if i would play with them when i wasnt fat anymore..and i wanted to say of course sweetheart..but in truth i just dont know..i will have 2 newborns and be just as tired as i am now and sadly the kids that can do for themselves will fall down the list some. The kiddos are going to Ycare for the summer so they will ahve some fun stuff to do. My mom has volunteered to take the kids to the pool on her days off..so they will love that..

death

2010-03-10T10:37:00.001-08:00

I woke up this morning to the news that Corey Hiem died this morning of a drug overdose..

Makes me sick..literally..Heath ledger died the same way. And there is one name you may not know. Kyle Mayfield. My sweet and funny little brother. I do not know what demons plagued these young men. I do not know what demons my brother had. I did however know he took pills to relax. I know people who gave him pills and that was fine because so and so does pills and nothing happened to him. My brother was not a guy you would see on the street and think i better move to the other side.. He was very likeable and had 100s of friends. He was a ray of light. He was a top saleman at his company and made alot of money..probaly too much for a kid of 23.
Everytime i see another hollywood type die of this same thing it brings back my pain. I am MAD at him. What made him think he could do that to me. What made him think i was strong enough to pick up the pieces he left of our broken mother. I am MAD he will never meet these 2 beautiful children i have now and the 2 little boys i have in my womb. In july he will have been gone for 4 years. Do i miss him yes. Do i have any respect for him NO..i hope i can use his story to sway my kids from using drugs. Them maybe his death will have meant something. Maybe he was meant to die young. I just wish it would have come in a different way.

the nursery.

2010-03-01T23:00:00.000-08:00

here is the boys nursery...we are finished in there besides a new ceiling fan and new blinds. I am starting to get huge huge.sleep has stop coming.i have horrible heartburn and it makes it difficult to sleep. I love this little boys and i cannot wait to meet them. I will be 24 weeks weeks thursday. We are getting there!!! we had a fun shower and my girl friends did a great job!

My BIG BELLY

at 22 weeks.

the meeting

2010-02-26T17:45:00.000-08:00

We met the birth mom. She was very likable and provied us with some new medical history stuff on the kids. She was so ready for the kids to have a stable home and understood that home would never be with her. I was sad sitting in court and her giving up her rights..i almost teared up. I am so thankful for her so she gave me 2 of the biggest blessing i have ever been given. I asked about her youngest child and she said she would send pictures of him because my daughter asks about him all the time. I saw my kids in her face...my heard my kids in her voice..The borth father did not show up to the meeting or to court and the final hearing will be in april...

Here they are!

2010-01-29T11:40:00.000-08:00

Here are my wonderful sons!!!

2 boys

2010-01-26T16:36:00.001-08:00

yea i have 2 little boys in my tummy!!! Their names will be Max and Rex.. The kicked my bladder the whole time during the ultrasound..

interesting news

2010-01-22T12:41:00.000-08:00

I talked to the kids case worker today. She said the birth mom agreed to sign over rights. If she could meet me and the hubs.. i said i would meet her. I could not imagine my life going the way of hers. But i also would not like to not know who was raising the children i gave birth too. I do not feel she needs the children nor does CPS or the state but i think she does deserve to have adleast had a conversation with us.. and who know i migth a few pictures of the kiddos when they where little...

Notice of a Hearing...

2010-01-13T09:45:00.000-08:00

Our 2 children have been in limbo for 4 years.. they have been in custody of the state for that long and no efforts have been made by the parents... Until a few months ago..the father finished a court ordered class...The father has never seen our son..he was jailed before he was born...and hasnt seen our daughter in 5and a half years. Finally after all this time the state is moving to sever parental rights... I am hopeful the judge will terminate rights...but i know anything could happen. Prayers for the kids.. The court date is at the end of feb...

moving right along

2010-01-01T14:33:00.000-08:00

i am 15 weeks and 2 days pregnant today! This pregnancy is going so fast.. We found on the other day that one of the twins is most likely a boy... My next ultrasound is Jan 26th and they should be about to find out the sex of both babies..

I final gained some weight and am looking preggo!!!

We had a wonderful christmas and a great new years and are looking forward to what this year brings...

headed home

2009-12-21T18:26:00.000-08:00

We are headed home for christmas.. I am so excited to see my friends and family. I am looking forward to eating the food i love and hanging out at the places i love. It is hard to go home i miss my brother so much when i am there but i refuse to visit his headstone.. Makes me sad to go there.

The kids will recieve a visit from santa at my grandmas.. they will love it i am sure.

I hope you have a great christmas see yall soon...

names

2009-12-14T11:17:00.000-08:00

My daughter has a normal name with a wierd spelling... but dang if you dont know how to spell it you can ask... it has been mispelled on everything lately and it is starting to make me mad.

my babies

2009-12-02T18:06:00.000-08:00

they are growing and right on track.. i was offically released from my RE... so i go to the OB dec 29th...

We are so excited!!! My little girl turns 7 sunday (also my birthday) and we are going to see WICKED!!!!

thanksgiving

2009-11-25T16:21:00.000-08:00

Thanksgiving always brings found memories for me... we had great feast at my Mimis.. The whole family showed up. It was so wonderful and this year i will not be there.. i will be at home.. throwing my own Thanksgiving here..i will be going to see my family for Christmas another tradition...
There are so many things i am thankful for. I am Thankful my husbands returned safety for Iraq 2 times... I am Thankful that 2 wonderful children came into my life and now i get to adopt them. I am Thankful for be growing my own 2 turkeys in my belly this thanksgiving after trying for so many years... I am VERY THANKFUL to have a home and enough food in my belly and enough money to pay our bills. I am Thankful to have a wonderful family who supports me.. I am Thankful to have had the worlds best brother for the 23 short years i got to have him.

I am Thankful to wake up every morning and to sleep in a warm bed every night. I am Thankful i am able to help children who haven't had the same safety and love i have known my whole life.

I am most Thankful to have a place in this world that i belong. People who Love me and kids to kiss goodnight..laughing during the day and a Hero for a Hubby.

8 weeks and 5 days

2009-11-18T08:42:00.000-08:00

we had a new ultrasound today and both babies are growing and looking great... 2 little beans...i am so happy

day by day

2009-11-11T15:33:00.000-08:00

everyday i get more and more hopeful about these babies... i still check everytime i use the restroom to see if there is blood...but i am looking at baby stuff now. i get another ultrasound next wensday and if everything is still good i plan on starting to pick up baby stuff. What i wonderful blessing after such a long road. I feel so blessed.

pregnancy

2009-11-06T11:19:00.000-08:00

everything it looking good... the babies are growing fine that both have wonderful heartbeats... they are measuring 6 wks and 5 days which is right on track... i feel sick all the time and i am tired alot but things are great!!!

double blessing..

2009-11-06T09:08:00.000-08:00

very sad.

2009-11-05T18:11:00.000-08:00

I am upset by what happened at fort hood. I cannot believe one soldier would kill another much less 13 and wound so many more...

We moved from fort hood a little over a year ago. My friends where not there right now they are still deployed.

I am just in shock that something so terrible could have happened here.. On our soil for no good reason.

weird...

2009-11-04T09:03:00.000-08:00

I have been infertile for so long that i never knew i would be something else. Now i am pregnant..i feel like a fake or fraud. My friend calls it a pregnant infertile.. I just feel so weird. I cant look at baby clothes or maturity clothes. I cant look at babies r us.. i have talked baby named a little with the hubs. I havent told many people. I am afraid something bad will happen.

I hope i feel better after i see my baby friday.

trick or treating

2009-11-01T15:50:00.000-08:00

we had a wonderful time on halloween... a pirate and a mermaid and a ballerina...The kiddos got a ton of candy.

I love fall and i love candy so haloween rocks for me!!!

baby

2009-10-28T07:36:00.001-07:00

Fall is here..

2009-10-26T08:26:00.000-07:00

We painted pumpkins...We went to a dress up party.. It cold outside...I (for some crazy reason) desided to have thanksgiving here and am having a huge family gathering. I am excited but i am sure my kids will not be behaved but that will pass.

its official

2009-10-15T17:57:00.000-07:00

I am pregnant!!!!!
bloodwork confirms it...61 hcg at 10 dpo!!!
ultrasound in 2 weeks..

i am still early (4 weeks) but i am so excited...

we are still on track with our adoption and now we will have a completed family,

FINALLY

2009-10-04T12:34:00.000-07:00

We are all moved our of our townhouse and into our first ever home!!!! I will post pictures this week.

Still waiting to adopt our 2 beautiful children...

We are 1 day into the 2 Week wait and hoping this is the one.

thats about it.

could i be any busier?

2009-09-15T17:44:00.000-07:00

Just kidding.
With school back in session and the kids being gone all day i had to find something to do with my self.. so i have applyed for a job at a school near our house and i hope to get that job not really because i "need" money but i enjoy talking to other adults and being productive.

on the moving front...movers hired!!!! thank goodness..
Lulu started dance classes and daisy scouts which she loves!!!
I am starting to try to lose weight again.
Starting weight 183... UGH.. i weigh in of fridays so i will let yall know how it goes.

Dj is having a hard time adjusting to his new meds.. and we are working on trying to be a family with is mood swings...
VERY difficult.
But so worth it. Both the children are the light of my life.

Happy Birthday Brother of mine.

2009-09-06T06:02:00.001-07:00

I often wonder what you do in Heaven. If there is a card game you are in on it, If someone loses their smile you would give them one of your own. You would be cooking meat on a grill. You left this world as quickly as you come in(born 12 minutes after my mom got to the hospital) and i just want to celebrate your life today and everyday.

I tell the kids about you all the time. About your laugh and your ability to make everyone feel special. I love you brother today everyday and forever.

2 follies and moving

2009-09-05T06:47:00.000-07:00

I had two follies and they both looked like they where gonna produce eggs... i am hopeful which might turn out to bite me in the rear end..

Did my IUI yesterday so i test in 13 days...

We got the house. They also agreed to repair everything on our list of unacceptable conditions!!!

My daughter has Lovely Long hair and she wants to cut it... UGH...so we are getting it cut.

We are waiting on a court date still for parental right severance...hopefully soon..

meds... houses...and i cant sleep...

2009-08-27T23:06:00.000-07:00

We put an offer in on a house and waited for over a week and heard no news... so we went out looking for new houses....and they all sucked... and finally today we got word on the counter offer on the house we loved... and we accepted.. We are gonna be homeowners!!!!!!

I have started a rather high dose of femera this month... and i cannot sleep and i have been sick all day..

i am wishes this will be my month to conceive but who knows..

really?

2009-08-23T06:51:00.000-07:00

We are still waiting to hear about our offer...

They sellers are trying to decide if they want to counter or reject our offer or maybe they are waiting on another offer... they are not sure what they want to do...

We are planning on leaving our offer in for a few days (like tuesday) and then pulling our offer.

I guess we will be shopping again... FUN.

offers in and other things

2009-08-18T06:33:00.000-07:00

My girl started 1st grade yesterday... she was super nervous about it but when i picked her up she had made new friends and all was well... We had kindergarten orientation yesterday as well and my son starts school tomorrow. He is getting new meds today because of his ADHD and i am hoping in works...

We went to Texas to visit family and had a birthday party for my son who turns 5 on Thursday. Ill up load photos soon...

NOW the big news... we put an offer in on a house. We hope we get it. This is the first time we have bought a home so we are so new at everything...

respites and visits

2009-08-03T22:16:00.000-07:00

Oh how we have been doing respite... lol 15 days this month. We had a 4 year old girl for 10 days, handful to say the least... then we had an 11 year old boy and a 3 year old boy for 6 days. As soon as these boys went back to there foster family my cousins(11 and 13) came and will be here for a week... and then we have a week and school starts and my boy turns 5. We have decided to have his party at Mcdonald's, He is overjoyed about this.

My boy had to get 2 shots the other day and he screamed and screamed and screamed before he got them.. He said after the fact that his old doctor game him a toy if he screamed... UGH.. he is afraid of shots, water, slides, closed bathrooms. Poor kid.

soccer

2009-07-28T14:44:00.000-07:00

i am a new soccer fan and my husband LOVES soccer and he has been getting to be in the color guard at a few professional soccer games lately!!

The day i almost lost my husband

2009-07-27T09:31:00.000-07:00

During my husbands last deployment he ran over a bomb in the road and had it exploded a few seconds later he would have been dead or hurt very badly.

My marriage

2009-07-26T14:29:00.002-07:00

My marriage is one of the greatest joy in my life. My husband is my best friend and my greatest companion. I am proud to be his wife and i think he is most definitely the best father i have ever known. He makes me laugh when i want to cry. He stands beside me during endless doctors appointments. He takes my side and supports me when i need him to. He cooks all the meals on Sunday so i can have a day off. He brings me flowers when i am down and he lets me cry when i need to. I feel like with him is the safest place in the world. I think a good marriage takes some work and we have had hard times. We have suffered infertility together and are now moving on to make a family.
The thing that sticks in my mind about my husband and his great caring is this..
When my brother died i wrote a poem for him and wanted to read it at his funeral. I was fragile to say the least and i am somewhat shy. So my husband held arm and walked me up to the podium and stood by my side the whole time. I love him for that. Maybe its wasn't the most heroic act in my husband life but it meant alot to me.
My husband then continued to stand by my said and take care of me for weeks to come. The days when i was so depressed i couldn't get out of bed. He would bring me food of his lunch break and make me eat, he would make me get into the bath and make me move couch to change our sheets. He would some times dress me or change my pjs. He was nothing but supportive. Finally he told me i needed to move on and deal with my grief another way. And i did.
I love him so very much.

my kiddos

2009-07-23T18:25:00.001-07:00

are playing ... i am so blessed with them. thats all... night night

Our friend

2009-07-23T12:12:00.000-07:00

My husband served with this guy for 2 tours in a Iraq and they where in the same unit for over 5 years. This guy came home for R&R and took his motorcycle out. He was being unsafe and not wearing a helmet. He also took his female friend out with his. He was driving at a high rate of speed and hit a curb. His passenger was killed and he laid on the side of the road for 6 hours before he was found. He is alive and is in surgery. He has 3 young children and i fear they will lose their father to death or jail. Just please pray for the family of this young lady that was killed and pray that his family has the strength to handle this. I believe his actions where stupid and am sadden that his actions have ruined so many lives. I do pray he will recover.

Thanks

Mixed emotions

2009-07-23T09:58:00.000-07:00

So back to the work of trying to make a baby. I still want a baby. I love my kids very much and they keep asking me for a baby, its really cute. Then the other day my daughter told her friend i was not allowed to have a baby (no clue where she got this idea). I feel honored to have these two wonderful children and i feel like asking for one more is asking for too much or something. My husband has asked that we keep doing treatments and i do want to keep trying. I do not want the kids to feel like they are no wanted because they are. But of course i am not pregnant so this si just chatter.

just wondering

2009-07-20T21:05:00.000-07:00

i had the lap in april... and my insurance would not cover any more treatments until july...so i havent really worried about ttc much (kind of hoping i would conceive on my own) any ways my period has been regular the past 3 months ( totally new thing for me)..... but now i am about to start (spotting and cramping today) i am not sure what to do.

i am not sure what to. I mean both the kids want a baby sister. I am pretty happy with my family as it is. I know if i got pregnant it would be the icing on the cake but i just dont know if i can handle the roller coaster if i dont get pregnant.. i cant lay in the bed and cry for days when the treatments fail now...

i am not sure really what to do.. i am sure in the end i will continue treatments but i just hope i just have to have one treatment ...fingers crossed.

I will be going for my baseline appointment friday.

a new name for me.... sucker...

2009-07-20T15:16:00.000-07:00

I got a call for respite care again... 2 of the 4 boys i had last month and i said sure... so as soon as d goes home they get here the next day... for 5 days... i am a sucker for respite... i love it!!! lol...

15 days of respite this month.... i am a sucker

maybe one more...

2009-07-18T19:17:00.000-07:00

This little girl has been with us for about 24 hours... and her and my daughter are BEST FRIENDS... sad they where telling each other this morning about why they didn't live with their real moms... broke my heart...

Anyways i wasnt sure how the kids would react having another kid here but they have done WONDERFUL... all but my daughter telling D " thats my momma not yours"... but other than that they have played well together. I believe my daughter misses her friend from her former foster home and i hope she makes lots of new ones at her new school. She is very friendly and seems to make new friends everywhere we go.

We are trying to decide if we want to add one more kid to the mix. I do. Hubby is not so sure. We are planning to take in one foster placement. I want to continue to foster and so does my hubby but we are trying to decide when the time would be right for adding another child here. We have a lot of thinking to do that is for sure.

One side note... Watched snow white today... that is one sick movie. 1. the queen wants snow whites heart in a box
2.the dwarfs only know snow white from 5 pm at 11pm thats it..
3. then they are so grief stricken they hold a vigil and make her a coffin of gold and refuse to bury her...
4. and why would the prince kiss a dead body (so he thought) and wouldn't snow white die of say starvation?
LOL i know silly

Really?

2009-07-17T20:48:00.000-07:00

If you did not know we are a white couple and our children are also white.... we are doing a respite placement for an African American girl ill call D.We went out to a minor league baseball game tonight and i took D to the rest room and i swear i got the nastiest looks shot at me @@... Then D went up to my husband and said "What did you get me to drink Dad" (copying my kids)and the man at the drink counter ROLLED HIS EYES...i live in the midwest.. i live in a metropolitain city... i would expect this is my hometown but not here.
I do not even ask about race when we get a phone call about placement. It doesn't even cross my mind. I ask about behaviors, allegeries, any fear of animals, bedtime routines, things of this nature.

never nevermind

2009-07-17T15:41:00.001-07:00

i just got a call saying my girl would be here for respite in 15 minutes .... so we are waiting 4 yo girl for 10 days lol

nevermind

2009-07-16T14:11:00.000-07:00

respite has been canceled... this is the 4th call we have gotten and the 3rd that we have been canceled on..

Just wondering

2009-07-16T12:24:00.000-07:00

I love my kiddos VERY MUCH... i have enjoyed having them here. We are licensed for 4 kids and have 2 here. We are doing respite for 10 days for a 4 year old girl . I really enjoy respite a lot, but i have been talking with my husband alot and we have been trying to decide if we are going to continue to respite, to take police protective custody cases, or foster more children. I really feel like i could have more kids here. I miss having a house full but i don't want my kids to feel like they are not special to me.

35 glue sticks

2009-07-14T12:06:00.000-07:00

We went shopping with the kids school supply list and the kids needed a total of 35 glue sticks...really are they eating it for snack?? lol jk...

3 years ago

2009-07-13T17:13:00.000-07:00

was the worst day of my life....my cell phone rang at 9 pm... and someone on the other end of the line said can i speak to adam.... the next thing that i heard would change my life forever.. Adam said kyle is dead. Kyle my wonderful sweet funny brother... the only sibling i had... he never lived to have children or meet mine... he never owned a home... never finished college...never got married or took care of aging parents...
What he did was put a smile of everyone's face that he met. He made people feel special. ALL PEOPLE... he was popular and witty....

However he wasn''t an angel.. he loved many woman at the same time and this caused alot of pain in his life...

he was mean at times...

i miss him alot...

for your view ing pleasure

2009-07-08T19:26:00.000-07:00

catching fireflies
making hand prints for grannys garden

bounce house
my son was the director of the fireworks..he kept saying im doing that!!!

sorry for my absence

2009-07-07T20:08:00.000-07:00

We have been having a great time with the kiddos...i will post some pictures on my next post I PROMISE... just havent uploaded them yet.

First of all the kids started swimming lessons...Lizzie Lou is a natural. She was afraid of water at first but today she jumped off the driving board... I am so proud of her. She is a wondeful joy in my life. We favor alot too so that rocks. She loves to play with her pet Genny. She carries this guiena pig around like a baby, dresses him up, makes him tents to sleep in. She makes a new friend everyday we go swimming and she gets along well with most people. She shares information a little too freely but that is something we will work on.

My boy Bubba does whatever he wants whenever he wants. He is free spirit but very loving. He says sweet things like i love you mamma cause you are so nice. He is very smart and will be starting kindergarden which he is beyond excited about. He has a few developmental delays but nothing that he will not overcome. He does not like swimming in deep water at all. He Loves my husband more than anything in the world, In fact he got a haircut JUST LIKE DADDY'S lol... He is very funny.. if i say something like aww i need a nap.. he will say NO you are just kidding...

I was told today that i seem so relaxed with these kids and i took that as a great compliment. These kids are mine, hopefully forever. I couldn't love them more if i had birthed them.
They can be trying but at the end of the day i know that it is all worth it..

And on a side note... they want a baby sister or brother LOL...i hope we can do that for them.

They Are Here

2009-07-01T06:37:00.000-07:00

We went to pick up the kids... They had LOTS of stuff... OMG.. i have no idea where we will put everything we are still working on that. E wanted to go check on her guinea pig first thing and go swimming but we just couldn't go yesterday.
we did go to the park and my husband had the whole day off which was nice.

One more day

2009-06-29T11:57:00.000-07:00

Until my kiddos get here!!!

HOWEVER my ac went out in the van... it is at the shop now... 400 bucks to fix...

For a grand total of 800 bucks on car repairs this week...

Since my last post...

2009-06-27T18:55:00.000-07:00

Well we went to visit my husbands family with the kids... the kids where WONDERFUL and had a great time. We visit with my husbands whole family and that was a blast. We played ladder ball which is a game i have never played before but it was very cool indeed. We saw our new niece and i have gotten a photo of my hubby and his brother with all the kids on fathers day. We are a family for sure. We all went swimming and to see the movie UP... our son does n't like theaters but he had a good time after he could sit in my lap.
After i dropped the kids off Monday at their current foster home, i went to home to Texas. I drove it took about 11 hours UGH..i got a ticket(was in dh's car) for expired inspection sticker. i visited with my friends and family and showed off pictures of my kiddos and such and then i got a call Thursday asking if i would do respite care for 4 boys starting Friday and ending Monday.. i said yes and headed home...I am kind of excited about doing respite because this is my first time.
On my way home my rear tire blew out... SCARY ENOUGH RIGHT? nope i had no cell service.. 40 miles from the nearest town...and my tire refused to come off after i unbolted it... in fact a man and his grandson stopped to help and they couldnt get it off and a State trooper stopped and he couldn't get it off and finally another state trooper came and kicked it 4 times and it came off..THANK GOODNESS... (again this is my husbands car)... i had to drive to the next town and spend the night and only one place had a replacement tire (low profile something or other but a short fat tire) and that ended up cost almost 400 dollars cause both the rears where bad....
ANYWAY i get home at 255 no lie and the kids got here at 3 and that are pretty cool boys and they will be here until monday

AND TUESDAY MY KIDS ARE FINALLY MOVING IN!!!!!!!!!!!!

Yes sir

2009-06-16T16:48:00.000-07:00

We have gotten permission to take the kids out of state this weekend!!! I am beyond excited!!! They will get to meet most of my husband family because of a party we are attending... and they will be here June 30th!!!! Everything is so perfect.

the kids

2009-06-15T14:21:00.000-07:00

we visited and a had a great time... we loved every minute and cant wait for them to come back...they will be here for good in a few weeks!!! we went swimming and went to a farm... the kids had their first pony ride...they walked the dog...we went to dinner... for the first time ever i know what a family is suppose to be like. They are 100 percent my children and in their minds we are their parents.
For many years i have questioned "WHY ME" in regards to being infertile.. my answer is this...i was meant to raise these children...

3 day visit!

2009-06-11T21:33:00.001-07:00

So we are in the middle of a 3 day visit with our kiddos... OMG it has been great! My daughter is calling me momma, super bright and hugging me good night (she supposedly doesn't do that). My son is hyper but he listens well and is super smart. They are FUNNY.. and they love the pool... we went swimming yesterday and today... they are creative and they are both helpful. My husband and I know this is the right placement for us. We know in our hearts that they are OUR children. We can't wait for our next visit or for them to come home forever. They love thier rooms here (there where sharing a room)

My daughter says I love that you stay at home so you can always be here for us. She said to me that they where kids without parents and we where parents without kids and that is pretty cool that we can be thier parents...
Later she said Why don't you have any children... and i said because we where waiting for you all this time.. and she said.. REALLY??? and i just smiled...
I am in love like you would NEVER believe i could be. I see them smile and i smile... while they havent cryed yet i am sure i would cry if they did...
Motherhood is better than i could have ever imagined.

tomorrow!

2009-06-09T11:27:00.001-07:00

my kiddos are coming tomorrow for a 3 day visit!!! The case worker called with the change of plans.. no problem on our part. They where just suppose to be coming for the night. Then she said ok well good luck.. kind of scary i think.. but it will be good i am sure. D is a little active and we will have to be finding stuff to do but i am sure it will be JUST fine.

Sometimes you shouldn't say what is on your mind.

2009-06-05T21:06:00.000-07:00

My husband called my inlaws tonight to tell him about our children. We didn't call to ask for support or advice, just to give them the news they would be grandparents again very soon.
Well my father in law goes into a rant about what if something is wrong with them and we should thinl long and hard about adopting these. kids..REALLY? do you think we didnt think long and hard? DO you think we went into being foster parents not knowing what the challenges might be? Do you think that seeing these kids and meeting them and falling in love with them make them any less my children ...
I dont think i ll ever be able to forgive or forget that...

BUT on a positive note the kiddos are spending the night 2 times next week!

the meeting!

2009-06-03T20:29:00.000-07:00

I couldnt sleep at all last night.. i was so excited!! We meet the kiddos at 11 and they are wonderful! They are funny and silly and smart. AND the girl shares my birthday!!! We are starting transition very soon and they should be here by the end of the month!!!I couldn't be happier. I just felt like a family today.

2009-05-30T17:15:00.000-07:00

this morning we woke up for the last time with 3 little kiddos staring at us...
We got up made them breakfast got dressed went to an art show where the kiddos mad some ceramic tiles (which we have decided to turn into Christmas ornaments) even got one with the baby's footprint. Then we went and played at Mickey Ds and come home and finished packing all their stuff and took them home. We told the mom if she needed anything (alone time, help taking them to baseball games , anything we where just down the road) i doubt she will call...

Then went and bought a new king sized mattress and new black canopy bed...

i really though i would be WAY more sad than i am about the kids leaving. It hurt my heart to hear them say they will miss us but all and all i am glad they are home and we are meeting our (possible) next placement in 4 days!

Yesterday....blew...end of story.

2009-05-29T12:43:00.001-07:00

We have been waiting to hear what day the kiddos would be going home... we got word yesterday that they where going from Today at 5pm...We then asked for an extra day as we had 5 kids to pack up and say goodbye too and that was granted so they will go home tomorrow. Then i went to the restroom and the Evil AF showed up... Great no need to even take a pregnancy test... we do one more month without treatment then if no pregnancy then we will start treatment yet again..
We where running late to the softball game as my 11 year old told me at 11 she had her total uniform but turns out she didnt have her socks... i was speeding and got busted 1st ticket in 7 freaking years...
But she got the game ball so i guess that is worth 127 dollars for the ticket@@
In other news my SIL stole the baby name we had chosen 6 years ago and named my niece that name. She goes out of her way to be mean to me all the time and i am 100 percent sure she did it to spite me as i asked her not to use the name...I had never felt like such a failure, My husband and I picked that name when we started trying and it hurt him as well as me when they stole our name and i am the infetile one. Why cant i just get and stay pregnant? What did i do to deserve this? And what did my husband do to get an infertile wife..
I just cryed and cryed and was telling my husband how i felt and he didnt understand why i would say i feel like a failure because i am a great mother to every child that steps foot in our home...
UGH he made me cry even more ...

ALSO Wensday is the big day!!! we meet the kiddos!

8 things

2009-05-27T11:06:00.000-07:00

Eight things I am looking forward to:

1 Next Wednesday

2. meetin my new niece in a few weeks, she is born but i havent got to hold her yet

3. Being called “mommy”

4. my husband going OCS

5. getting my hair done friday

6. my birthday trip to vegas

7. starting treatment again in july

8. meeting my husbands aunt finally

Eight things I did yesterday:

1. Made dinner

2. went to power play

3.took a nap

4.had pizza

5. went to hobby lobby

6.watch mall cop

7.went to blockbuster

8. called our caseworker

Eight things I wish I could do:

1. Get pregnant from sex.<- ditto

2. go to the store ALONE

3. speak spanish

4. knit

5. paint

6.be a doctor

7. cut out caffeine

8. bring my brother back from heaven

Eight shows I watch:

1. clean house

2.reba

3. law and order

4. king of the hill

5. still standing

6. american dad

7. desperate housewives

8.mystery diagnose

Eight favorite fruits:

1. apples

2. bananas

3. Blueberries

4. Grapes

5. strawberries

6. honeydew

7. cantaloupe

8. watermelon

Eight places I’d like to travel:

1. scotland

2.ireland

3. paris

4. Colorado

5. new york

6. rome

7. south Carolina

8. Africa

Eight places I’ve lived:

shelby,oh

longview,tx
white oak,tx

killeen, tx

willard,oh

harker heights, tx

hallsville,tx

overland park,ks

the summer

2009-05-25T18:09:00.000-07:00

I cannot wait for the summer. They built a new pool a block from my house! We got brand new patio furniture and build a new patio. We sat out today and watched the kids in the sprinkler while enjoying both. My life couldn't be better (well of course if i didn't have this whole infertility business)

Everything is falling into place for us. How lucky we are.

2 weeks

2009-05-22T12:39:00.000-07:00

That's when we meet our possible next placement! I am so excited!!! I keep telling myself it may or may not happen, but i am still excited...i have talked to everyone under the sun concerning these children... The CW, the current resource parents, we have heard all they information and we want them to be an addition to our family. Those who pray please keep us in your prayers. Thanks

Here it is...

2009-05-21T19:00:00.001-07:00

After many years of discussing what is best for our family... staying in the military or getting out... going officer or staying enlisted... my husband has decided to go to Officer Candidate School.. after we adopt .... YEAH BOY!!!!

good day

2009-05-19T11:53:00.000-07:00

Yes today was a good day...

You ask me how i know if it was a good day or not when it is only 2 pm... well like my grandpa always says its a good day if you wake up this side of the dirt...

But not only that...i got new pillows i needed ON SALE! i got a huge Hawkeye platter for 5 bucks...

The kiddos went to nap with no fuss..

i got some very good news which i will share at a later date... and no it isnt a BFP...

Yes all and all a great day.

pregnant at 66

2009-05-18T20:58:00.000-07:00

Today i saw where a woman is pregnant with her first child at the age of 66. She was aided in this by IVF.
On one hand i think people are living longer and if sick old men can marry 20 somethings and have babies at 60 plus way cant woman? I think plenty of woman in this age range are raising their grandchildren and doing a fine job at it. I believe EVERY woman that wants a child should be able to have one and this story mean i have 30 plus year to continue on my TTC journey...
However i do not know where the line is or why the line can be crossed...
I understand in Britain clinics will not treat woman over 50 years of age.. of course i have done NO research on the health hazards of having a child this late in life. I believe there are times when fertility doctors don't think of anything but the money they can make...

I am in no way saying i agree or disagree with this woman's choice.. What she does in her life has no effect on me what so ever... I wish her and her baby years of happiness and health

my friends

2009-05-18T05:54:00.000-07:00

My friends are wonderful. Thank you ladies. How i ever got so lucky to have you all in my life i will never know.

Many of my friends i have met here is cyberspace. These ladies and i have been in what can only be called Infertility Hell. We have wept together, laughed together, waited together, shared great sadness and great happiness together. Meeting these ladies on CO is the ONLY good thing about being infertile.

Thank you so much...

Dog park...

2009-05-17T10:44:00.000-07:00

Today we took sasha to the dog park which was very fun. She enjoyed being out and meeting other dogs alot. She didn't get into the lake like most the dogs there and that was fine by me. Afterwards we went for chinese food and now i am going to work on my patio and do some gardening.. Not too much going on really. 12 days to go.

ok so

2009-05-16T17:54:00.000-07:00

i was going to make my blog private but i have decided not too... if you have read my blog EVER you know that my fosters are great kids and i love them very much. They are going to go back with their BM and i am so happy for them. I have never sent a child away for not fitting into my family.The agency we are going though KNOWS we are wanting to do foster to adopt.
Yes i want to be a mother. You can not fault me for that. But that doesnt mean i am trying to steal kids. The sad truth is there are thousands of kids in the country that need a permanent home and i will be here to provide one.

Ok girls if i offended anyone by saying anyone can give birth but it takes a real woman to be a mother i am sorry that was wrong to say ... as i cant conceive myself lol..