how have i changed?

So... when we first started TTC (trying to concieve) we where so happy... each time i didnt start my period on day 30 i would test... and of course the answer was always the same.... Negative... and then in May 2005 got a positive.... and we where so happy ... we called everyone... and told everyone and then i miscarried... i use to get so excited to test just hoping for a postive and now i dread testing.... i wish someone would have told me i would waste more money testing then anything else... i have been poked and stuck and pushed on and my cervix has been abused and still no baby... well i got another negative today... so ill start meds to induce my period... and we will try one more time before we move....